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Jan. 8th, 2005

  • 4:11 AM
Bill Hicks
"You're awfully quiet," the Muse said.

"I'm eating wings is why," I replied, and licked the sauce from my fingers. "It's impolite to gab with a full gob."

She uncurled one leg and poked me with her foot in the side of my thigh. "Not right now, dumbass. I mean tonight. Today, too."

"That's pronounced doo-mas, thank you very much."

She put her leg back up on her futon. "Don't avoid. Answer."

I sighed, and reached for another piece of chicken. "You know me, Muse. It's winter. I always get weird and dismal during the blizzard season." I nodded my chin at her. "You've got sauce on your cheek, you ridiculous slob. If you ever want a man, you've got to not be so messy when you eat."

She dabbed at the spot with her napkin. "Well, at least now I know that you aren't just in a mood for no reason."

"Why's that?"

"Because you don't play the loser-Muse-with-no-boyfriend card unless you're really not wanting to talk."

I put my plate down. "Hey, now, that's not fair."

"No? And what you said was?"

"It was a joke! That's what we do, Muse. We joke. All the time."

She shook her head and wiped her hands. "No, we don't. Not all the time. And not about anything important." She got up off the futon.

"Now, come on," I said. "Where are you going? Don't be like that. I hate it when you do that."

"I'm going to take a shower, and then I'm going to bed. You can stay and eat chicken wings all night long if you want, but I'm done for the night. Clean up the bones before you go, or if you decide to stay, just sleep on the futon tonight and leave me alone, okay?"

"Dammit, Muse, what's wrong? This isn't like you."

"It's not like you, either." She sighed, and then said, "Look, you aren't the only one who is having a rough time right now, okay? Sometimes I get tired of putting on a brave face, even for you."

"I'm sorry," I said, "I didn't mean anything by that. And I love you, you know."

"I love you too, sweetie, but that isn't always enough. It's just too hard sometimes, and as much as you give me, you can't give me everything I need."

I nodded. "I know, but..."

She leaned down and put her fingers over my mouth. "Stop. Okay? Just stop and for once in your life quit talking when there's nothing more you can say to help. I love you, and you're the best friend I have, but as much as you want to help me with this, there's nothing you can do."

I took her hand in mine. "Other than let you be miserable?"

She smiled sadly at me. "Yep. That's all."

"That really sucks, Muse."

"That's life," she said. She leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the mouth. "Now I'm going to go take a shower and have a good cry, and then I'm going to bed. If you're here in the morning, we'll have breakfast."

"I'll make you French toast."

"I'm depressed, but I'm not suicidal," she said. "I'll cook. Just... just be here in the morning, okay? You know where the blankets are."

"I'll handle it. Don't worry about me."

She brushed the hair back from my eyes. "You idiot. You're the only one I never really worry about." She kissed my forehead and straightened up. "I'm going for that cry now. If I catch you looking through the keyhole, I'm going to kick your ass out the window."

"Gosh, Muse, you reallydo care about me."

She smiled. "Finish your feast, you idiot. I'll see you in the morning."

"Love you, Muse."

"I know," she replied, and turned and headed for the shower.

Comments

nebulous_blue wrote:
Jan. 8th, 2005 11:19 pm (UTC)
You know....

I've known you for so long that I can tell what's autobiographical in your writing and what isn't.

If I haven't said it recently, I love reading you. I have nothing better to say other than I think you're quite talented with your words.

Just wanted to let you know.

And don't wait until spring to come out of your funk, you amazing human being, you. Everyone you know adores you, and if that doesn't make you warm and fuzzy inside, then I don't think anything will.

And seriously, let's face it: is there *any* way to eat chicken wings without making a total mess?
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 9th, 2005 03:48 am (UTC)
Re: You know....
Yikes! You can see right through my wash of fiction and reality and sniff out the deep, horrible truths, hmm? Damn... and here I thought I was doing a good job of keeping everything a secret ;)

It's my annual wintery funk, is all. I might live in the tundra, but I'm not designed for it. Or I'm just chemically balanced to get bummed out during January. Dunno. Whatever it is, it'll bass. Erm... *pass*.

And for the record: my face is covered in chicken wing mess as we speak.

Okay, not really. But the napkin on the table next to me is. Mmmmmm. Want some?
giggleloop wrote:
Jan. 9th, 2005 03:06 am (UTC)
and i haven't known you very long at all, and i can't tell either. but that doesn't stop me wanting to read you.

or give you great big hugs.

*HUG!*

there. :)

it's perfectly all right to be funky, but just plain funk? that'sa no good. :P

-B
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 9th, 2005 04:05 am (UTC)
Everything I put in here is a mixture of fiction and reality. It's much more interesting for me to write that way, and trust me that it's way more interesting for you to read. I don't want to be boring!

And so you girls know, it makes me all warm and fuzzy and crap knowing that there's so much love from you girls coming this way. Are *sure* you guys don't want to hook up with me for a Pablo sandwich or something? Now *that* sure would cheer me up ;)

nebulous_blue wrote:
Jan. 9th, 2005 04:44 am (UTC)


...um, no.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 9th, 2005 05:06 am (UTC)
Well, I'm just going to have to go on loving you anyway, so deal with it.

See this? It's me sticking my tongue out at you in a nice sort of way :P
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 9th, 2005 05:21 am (UTC)
And hey, all kidding aside: I really do appreciate the concern and the cheer that comes my way from y'all, more than I can really get across here without sounding like a complete and total dork (and Ali has suffered through more than her fair share of me being a dork).

It's very much appreciated.
giggleloop wrote:
Jan. 9th, 2005 03:53 pm (UTC)
and again: *hugs*

:)

-B
giggleloop wrote:
Jan. 9th, 2005 03:52 pm (UTC)
egads... :)

i would say that we've created a monster, but i can't help but feel he was this way long before i came along. :) but i do take the blame for encouraging him...

:)

-B
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 9th, 2005 05:09 pm (UTC)
I'm pretty harmless, you know, like a flirty Cookie Monster or something. Mmmmm..... cookie....
giggleloop wrote:
Jan. 9th, 2005 06:53 pm (UTC)
mmm, cookies. :)

i'm sure no one here believes it, but that's a Buffy quote too! I AM THE BUFFY QUOTE MASTER! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

:)

-B
pethead07 wrote:
Jan. 11th, 2005 03:44 am (UTC)
Lovely........ that's all I'll say.

OK, I'll say two more things-- you're awesome, because you listen to Big Country.........

...... and YES-- you got rid of the Zorak photo! :)
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 20th, 2005 07:53 am (UTC)
You know, I had to look for almost 15 fucking years to find this particular album. It's the soundtrack to a great little Scottish movie called, appropriately, "Restless Natives," about two out of work Scots who take to robbing tour buses on the highlands, while wearing a clown and a wolfman mask. It was pretty entertaining way back when, and the music blew my mind. Unfortunately, the album was impossible to find. Well, thank God for cd imports is all I can say, because now I'm a Big Country fool ;)

And what? Were you ready for me to lose the Zorak photo? Should I put something up other than a big skull now? Some suggestions would be okay with me ;)

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