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Sour Apples

  • Apr. 1st, 2005 at 12:03 AM
Bill Hicks
"Know what the worst part of being a good friend is?" I asked.

"What?" the Muse said. She drew circles with her finger in the condensation of her glass.

"When you reach a point where you have to point out your friend's newly-developed unpleasant character traits."

"Uh-oh."

I nodded. "Indeed. Want the nutshell version?"

"Nutshell works."

"Okay, briefly, Apple is being ridiculously touchy about everything going on around her, life, work, everything. I tried to bring it up to her today to let her know she was doing it, because everyone is talking about it behind her back, and I don't like to see my friends being the subject of gossip. However, when I told her this evening that she had been being extremely touchy the past couple of weeks, she immediately bit my head off and stormed off into a crowded room, where I couldn't exactly bring the issue back up, you know?"

The Muse nodded. "Yes. Been there."

"So I did what any good friend would do in the modern age. I wrote her an email."

"Ooh. Hmm."

"What?" I asked.

"Could be a good idea," she said. "Could be a bad one. On the one hand, she's going to read it, and she can't interrupt you or storm off in the middle of it. Also, you're a little more literate when you're writing than when you're talking, which is always good. It's best to be concise when you're basically telling someone that they've been an idiot about something."

"And the bad side?"

"Well, you might piss her off more, obviously. If she can't let off a bit of steam at you when she reads it, it could just piss the living crap out of her, and then you'll have to deal with her being really nasty to you for a while, until she gets over it."

I nodded. "I know, I know. I even wrote in the email that I was considering not sending it to her, just for that very reason. I'm hoping to cut the anger off at the pass, so to speak."

"Again, could be good, could be bad. She might take it as you expecting her to be mean to you once she reads it."

"Which I am," I said.

"Yeah, but you don't want to seem like that's what you're expecting. You're totally playing with fire here, you know. Of course you already sent the email, right?"

"Oh yes, totally. I'm committed now."

"I'll pray for you," the Muse said. "Jesus, Buddha and Sponge Bob."

"Thanks. I'll take any help I can get in my time of darkness."

Comments

shannonsays wrote:
Apr. 1st, 2005 05:17 am (UTC)
"Jesus, Buddha and Sponge Bob."

beautiful. that may be my new phrase. thanx.

(:
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 1st, 2005 05:19 am (UTC)
You can thank the Simpsons there, baby ;)
shannonsays wrote:
Apr. 1st, 2005 05:25 am (UTC)
damnit. guess i missed that one.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 1st, 2005 05:26 am (UTC)
Oh, don't fret. Endless repeats, don't you know. Give it some time ;)
shannonsays wrote:
Apr. 1st, 2005 05:29 am (UTC)
i don't have tv.

wait, let me clarify. i have a tv. i only get pbs.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 1st, 2005 05:31 am (UTC)
God, you rule. You don't need a TV. Stick with the books. It's better for your brain and all.
shannonsays wrote:
Apr. 1st, 2005 05:32 am (UTC)
i don't rule. i'm just poor and the only broadcast stations around are about 50 miles away, so no reception. except pbs, which is direct from iu. i don't know what i'd do without public programming.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 1st, 2005 05:34 am (UTC)
You'd survive somehow, you know. I've got faith ;)
shannonsays wrote:
Apr. 2nd, 2005 04:31 pm (UTC)
let's just say i watch a fuckload of dvds. and i'd DIE without my computer. DIE.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 2nd, 2005 09:28 pm (UTC)
I hear you on the computer thing. I used to be a gigantic DVD watcher (although we called them "videotapes" back in my day), but I've slacked off on the viewing thing recently. Too many things to do, not enough time.
_linwe_ wrote:
Apr. 2nd, 2005 02:56 am (UTC)
You can make it without a tv. Living and somewhat breathing proof.

Of course, when you do get around a tv you have a slight tendency to act like you've just seen electricity for the first time.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 6th, 2005 09:28 am (UTC)
I can make it without a TV, as long as I have my computer and some way to play my music. Without that, it's time to suck the pipe, you know?

_linwe_ wrote:
Apr. 8th, 2005 06:18 pm (UTC)
All I can think of is the tailpipe of a greyhound bus. My computer is being a freaktard and the only means of noise is my alarm clock.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 9th, 2005 12:21 am (UTC)
Poor, poor girl. How are you ever going to survive?
_linwe_ wrote:
Apr. 9th, 2005 02:16 am (UTC)
By immersing myself whole-heartedly into my accounting crap. Wait, you said survive. Huh. Dunno.
hypocrite33 wrote:
Apr. 2nd, 2005 04:00 am (UTC)
I dunno. I hadn't watched tv for almost three years, and then my roommates got cable. It's really bizarre how attached to it you can get.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 6th, 2005 09:27 am (UTC)
I was going to respond to this, but there was this thing on Channel 35, and I couldn't really look away, you know..? Something... pretty... shiny... ooooh... blinky lights...

hypocrite33 wrote:
Apr. 11th, 2005 04:34 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry...what? The ADHD kicked in, and trading spaces was on. :)
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 12th, 2005 07:50 am (UTC)
Trading Spaces! Gosh, did the designer affix paper flowers to the wall with a hot glue gun? Or maybe paint patterns on the ceiling with finger paint on her toes, while laying on her back on a scaffolding?

Generally what? About a fifty/fifty chance that your room is going to end up looking like an explosion in a clown factory on that show?

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