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The Sofa Queen

  • Apr. 15th, 2005 at 3:05 AM
Bill Hicks
"You're back!" The Muse shouted as I stumbled through the front door of my house, suitcase in tow.

"I am. I trust you missed me terribly."

"Can't you tell how much from the state of the house?"

"It's a mess, Muse."

She nodded. "I know. I can't bring myself to pick up around the place when you're out of town. I get too depressed."

"You never pick up around the place, Muse. You're sort of a slob."

"But a hot one," she said.

"Which sort of leads into my next question: why are you laying around my house in your underwear?"

She shrugged. "You might as well ask why I've been sleeping in your bed all week, and watching porn on your DVD player."

"Okay, I'll ask: why were you sleeping in my bed and watching porn on my DVD player?"

She shrugged again. "Bored, I guess. A little lonely. I sort of figured that if you'd been here all week, we would have lounged around and fallen asleep watching porn, so I went ahead and did it myself."

"Muse, honey, we don't watch porn together."

"I know. I figured we could start."

"Wow," I said. "You really have gone a little crazy without me around. But weren't you going to go see Belle while I was gone?"

"I couldn't get the energy up. All the sleeping and porn took a lot out of me."

"That's just sad."

She nodded. "I know. I'm pitiful."

"But hot."

"Oh, yes. Definitely hot." She put her hands behind her head and shook her breasts at me.

"And a tramp," I said.

"Definitely a tramp. Lots of practice."

"Okay then, we're in agreement. And on that happy note, I'm going off to bed. It's been a long day of driving and plane riding and I want to spend some time in my own bed for a change. You coming with me, or are you going to just lounge around on the sofa all night?"

She got up off the sofa. "No, I'm going to go home and get some sleep. It's been a long week."

"What, for five days you've been living in my house, and now that I'm back, you're going to abandon me?"

"Well, you're back now, so I can stop worrying about you. The planets are back in their proper alignments."

"Sheesh, Muse," I said. "I was hoping for at least a little Musely contact before I settled back into the Buffalo state of mind."

She reached around behind her back and undid her bra, then tossed it at me. I clumsily dropped my suitcase as I attempted to catch the lingerie, managing to both miss the bra and nearly crush my toe under eighty pounds of luggage. "There you go," she said. "Something to remember me by."

"Gosh, Muse," I said. "I really am home. You're still something of a pain in my ass."

"Nice to have a constant, isn't it?"

"You have no idea, Muse. No idea at all."

She came to me and kissed me on the cheek. "Nice to have you back, surf boy. We'll do lunch tomorrow. Tonight, we both get some sleep."

I picked up my suitcase and headed for the stairs. "Don't forget to cover yourself, Jezebel. Don't want the neighbors talking."

"Too late," she said.

"Do I want to ask what that means?"

She shook her head. "Better if you don't. And don't look in the attic for a couple of days. I need to clean up a little up there."

"You worry me, Muse, from time to time."

"I'd worry you more if you looked in the attic."

I grinned. "Yep. It's nice to be home."

"Nice to have you back," she said. "Oh, and sorry about the bathroom."

"What?"

"Nothing. Never mind. See you in the morning. Kisses!"

"I'm never leaving home again," I muttered, heading up the stairs.

Comments

shannonsays wrote:
Apr. 15th, 2005 12:52 pm (UTC)
welcome home! (:
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 15th, 2005 04:58 pm (UTC)
Glad to be back, seriously. Now I can unwind a couple of days :)
shannonsays wrote:
Apr. 16th, 2005 02:19 pm (UTC)
and i thought you were kidding. (:
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 16th, 2005 03:40 pm (UTC)
Nerd ;)
nebulous_blue wrote:
Apr. 15th, 2005 03:35 pm (UTC)

Glad you're back. Sorry she left such a mess. She called once, and we talked for a reeeeeeeeeeeeeally long time, so don't have a heart attack when you get your bill ;)

I told her to clean up after herself. She said I didn't know her very well.

Ugh. Drugs. Drugs are lovely. Must take more of them.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 15th, 2005 05:01 pm (UTC)
If you're going to totally drug yourself out, you definitely need to share. I won't have you having hallucinations without me being able to see them. I hate being out of the loop.

And what I didn't mention about little Muse when I got home was that someone had written on her stomach, in dark red lipstick, "Nebby was here." Care to explain that one, little missy? Does this have something to do with why I'm not supposed to look in the attic? Is that where the bondage gear is stored?

I need a nanny cam for the next trip I take out of town...
serenityn0w wrote:
Apr. 15th, 2005 10:30 pm (UTC)
I think I should like to see the footage from this nanny cam. I think you should make it a documentary or something.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 16th, 2005 04:26 am (UTC)
I think I might have to put it up on a pay-per-view website or something. Could pay off my student loans with it.
_linwe_ wrote:
Apr. 16th, 2005 02:23 am (UTC)
That cut title sends bad juju of "Gettin' Jiggy with it".

Na na na na na na.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Apr. 16th, 2005 04:27 am (UTC)
Dude. Scary. Disturbing.

No wonder I like you.

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