?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Gotta Cut Loose! Hoofloose!

  • Jun. 22nd, 2005 at 4:37 AM
Grant-Lee Phillips
"What's the weirdest thing you remember from when you were a kid?" the Muse asked.

"The hooves," I replied without hesitation.

"'Scuse me?"

"The local park near where I lived had this path that ran through a large eucalyptus grove, very secluded, very dark from the canopy of trees. I liked it because when you were in there, it muffled the city noise, and you couldn't see even the houses that were only a few hundred feet away. Remember, I lived just south of San Francisco, so there wasn't really any other place to escape the city other than in the park."

"Nature boy," the Muse said.

"Shaddup. Anyway, I was cutting home through the park one afternoon on my way back home from school, and I came across these four hooves, just laying in the middle of the path."

"Ick."

I nodded. "Indeed ick. Actually, saying that they were laying there gives the wrong image. They were more or less standing upright, bottoms to the ground, bloody stumps to the air, and spaced apart just about as far as if they were still attached to an invisible cow." I thought a moment. "It could have been horse's hooves, though. I'm not really sure. I might be able to tell them apart now, but not twenty years ago."

"So let me get this straight," the Muse said. "You found four hooves, standing straight up, in the middle of a city park, with no other cow parts to be seen? Or horse parts, either?"

"Yep."

"Double ick."

"And did you ever hear anything about it on the news? Anyone missing a farm animal in the middle of a big city?"

I shrugged. "I never heard anything, and they were gone the next day when I went back."

"Yeah, see," the Muse said, "there's your first mistake. Don't you watch horror movies? Never go back. That's when the monster gets you."

"I figured I was safe," I said. "I mean, it's not like I saw any human feet there, you know?"

"Pleasant thought."

"Shortly after that, I learned that gelatin comes from hooves, which made me wonder why they got left there in the first place. I mean, if you're going to use all of the animal, you might as well get a bit of Jell-O from the thing, you know?"

"Well, Jell-O is sort of nasty," the Muse said. "Other than for wrestling in."

"You're going to have to tell me how you know that, you know."

"You'll just want to put it in the book."

I nodded. "Definitely. Sexy Jell-O wrestling scenes are all the rage. I think Jonathan Franzen has a chapter devoted to it in his new book."

"I don't think that was Franzen," she said. "I think it was last month's Hustler."

"I think I'm going to bed. You're starting to weird me out a little bit."

"Hey, you're the one talking about the mysterious leavings of a sloppy butcher. I think you take the freak prize for this evening."

"A prize! What do I get? Money? A plaque? Hot monkey sex?"

She grinned. "Check the fridge in the morning. I think you'll find something green and lime-flavored that will serve as a freak prize."

"Did I mention that we live within an hour of the town in which Jell-O was first fabricated?"

"Go to bed," the Muse said. "Now you're just showing off."

"Always, Muse. Always."



Tags:

Comments

shannonsays wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2005 12:02 pm (UTC)
Nature RAWKS!

and yes, jello is gross.

there's no wonder why we get along!
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2005 03:41 pm (UTC)
I thought it was because we both have really hot asses.

Glad we're not just shallow or anything ;)
onceupon wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2005 01:08 pm (UTC)
I have no words.

But now I have a strange craving for Jell-O.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2005 03:51 pm (UTC)
And strange cravings for Jell-O are strange things indeed.

Jell-O really was invented about a half hour from here. Weird, hmm?
_linwe_ wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2005 02:31 am (UTC)
Oh great. Now I can only picture my friend sucking Jell-o in and out of his teeth.

*shudder*
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2005 04:47 am (UTC)
You're welcome.

You'll never think of Bill Cosby in quite the same way now, I would think.
_linwe_ wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2005 04:49 am (UTC)
I'm going to refrain from saying what's begging to jump out of my brain right now.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2005 04:53 am (UTC)
Oh please don't do that. Let it out... you'll feel better.
_linwe_ wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2005 04:55 am (UTC)
You'll have to wait until I'm plastered.

Livejournals gone wild! Woohoo!

king_cool_paul wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2005 05:01 am (UTC)
Is there an HTML line to put little spinning stars over all the dirty parts you post in your journal?

Hot.
_linwe_ wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2005 05:03 am (UTC)
If there is...I need it. Then no one would see my posts until they paid 9.95$. Which is fine by me.

(Oh and one of our stupid wars from last night is referenced in my post. Does it get any sweeter? (It doesn't))
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2005 05:09 am (UTC)
No, indeed it does not get any sweeter than that.

I hope that I would get a special discount on the fee to read your posts, seeing as I live for them and all.

Maybe my health insurance would cover it.
_linwe_ wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2005 05:15 am (UTC)
Live. For. My. Posts.

Hahahahhahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

That's heefuckinglarious.

Go improve your literacy.


My
posts.

Har har.
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2005 05:24 am (UTC)
Shaddup, nerd.

You're definitely one of the high points of my days.
_linwe_ wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2005 05:28 am (UTC)
Yeah. Nerd. That's me in a handbasket.

I misread what you meant by "high" points.
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 23rd, 2005 06:24 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 23rd, 2005 02:06 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 23rd, 2005 02:45 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 23rd, 2005 02:49 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 23rd, 2005 02:53 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 23rd, 2005 02:58 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 23rd, 2005 03:34 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:01 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:04 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:06 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:08 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:14 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:17 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:22 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:26 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:29 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:34 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:37 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:39 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:45 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:47 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:50 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:52 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:54 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:57 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 24th, 2005 02:58 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 24th, 2005 03:00 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 24th, 2005 03:05 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 24th, 2005 03:06 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 24th, 2005 03:09 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 24th, 2005 03:11 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 25th, 2005 06:51 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 25th, 2005 09:59 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 25th, 2005 11:19 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 26th, 2005 12:54 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 26th, 2005 01:14 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 26th, 2005 03:14 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 27th, 2005 12:55 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 27th, 2005 03:49 am (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 27th, 2005 01:58 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 27th, 2005 03:08 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 27th, 2005 03:38 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 27th, 2005 03:43 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 27th, 2005 03:46 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 27th, 2005 03:51 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - _linwe_ - Jun. 27th, 2005 03:52 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jun. 27th, 2005 05:29 pm (UTC)

Latest Month

June 2008
S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930     

Think On It

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want yourself to be happy, practice compassion.

- The Dalai Lama
Powered by LiveJournal.com