It is official: Emily the cat has gotten so fat that she can no longer lick her own ass.

It's true: when she tries, she ends up flat on her back and writhing side-to-side like a worm on the sidewalk. It's both hilarious and pitiful at the same time. She has now been put on a diet, which is requiring me to feed Gizmo in a separate room. He prefers to eat a bit, then bathe, then eat a bit more, and then bathe again before finishing off his meal. Emily, however, plows through her food like Lindsay Lohan through cocaine, and if I don't keep them apart she will gobble both her food and his before he has finished his first bath. This is why she is such a ginormous cow-cat at the moment, and why he has wasted away to fur and bones.

This shall not stand.

Lord, onceupon, she weighs more than he does!

Cow-cat, I'm telling you.