"Look," I said. "You can't just come over here and pass out drunk on my couch and not expect to lose everything. My apartment is a black hole. If something is left unattended around here, zipf! It's gone."
She burrowed deeper into the sofa, head under the cushions and ass swaying in the air. "I paid fifteen dollars for that, and I'm not leaving without it."
"Let me just give you fifteen bucks. It'll be easier than trying to find it down in the bowels of my sofa. Something could get hold of you down there, Muse. You might get eaten alive."
"That's what I'm hoping the lip gloss will lead to," she said, her voice muffled and sounding far away.
"It's a Halloween party," I said, "not a meat market."
She snorted. "Flora's parties always turn into meat markets. That's their hallmark and charm." Her ass held still suddenly, like a cobra about to strike, and then she made the most bizarre squeeing sound.
"Muse?" I said. "Are you okay? Do you need some Bactine?"
She emerged from the sofa, hair mussed, glasses askew, and waggled her hand in front of her face. "Found it," she said, and then muttered ew and peeled something that may or may not have been edible at one point off the tube, dropping it onto the floor.
"I hope that was worth it, Shackelton," I said.
She proceeded to Venom her lips, smacking them together wetly when she was finished. "If it gets me laid, it's worth a month with my head in the science experiment that is your sofa."
"And if it doesn't..?"
"Then you're responsible for the series of antibiotics and delousing I'm going to need after my exploration."
"Way to disperse blame, Muse," I said.
She grinned. "My wiles know no bounds."