"I need a vacation," she said, arm tossed across her eyes.
"You don't even have a job," I said.
"I do," she replied. "I'm pretty and quite brilliant. That's a ridiculously tiring combination."
"Your humility is awe-inspiring."
"With all this," she said, gesturing at herself like she was a prize appliance on a game show, "humility is a waste of time. It's much easier to just be full of myself."
I threw a small pillow at her, bouncing it off her head.
"You'll pay for that when I'm queen of the world," she said menacingly.
"You don't scare me."
"Sleep with one eye open, buddy. We muses are sneaky bitches when we want to be, and I know where you live."
"Of course you do," I said. "You're in my apartment right now."
She nodded and tapped the side of her head with her forefinger. "My point exactly."
"Which still doesn't scare me."
She took the pillow I'd tossed at her and placed it under her head. "Just wait. You have to go to sleep sometime."
"And then?" I asked.
"And then you'll see what a Muse can do with rubber bands, an electric razor and your testicles."
"Okay, now I'm a little concerned."
She nodded sagely. "Of course you are..."
"I think I'm locking the bedroom door tonight," I said, sliding off the chaise and heading for my room.
"You don't have a lock," she said, "and there's nothing heavy enough in there to block the door with." She cracked one of her knuckles, loud as a gunshot. "Sleep well. For as long as you can, anyway."
"I have to get my apartment key back from you," I said. "You're trouble."
She sighed and closed her eyes, dramatically throwing an arm across her face. "Such work it is, keeping you in your place."
"Sorry to be such trouble."
"You'll be more sorry in the morning," she said. "Keep your kiwis covered, and hope for the best."
I entered my bedroom and shut the door behind me.
It was past dawn before I managed to get to sleep.
Damn that Muse.