February 27th, 2004

Bill Hicks

God Is A Concept

"If you had any power of God, what would you want?" Morning Girl asked 38.

"X-ray vision," he answered without hesitation, not even looking up from the microphone batteries he was replacing. "Easy."

"X-ray vision? All the powers of God, and that's the only one you want?"


"Why that one?"

"So I can look at any girl I want naked," 38 said.

"Duh," I added wittily.

"That's pathetic," she said.

"Hey," he said. "I'm a guy. It's what we guys want, to see any woman we want naked."

"He's got you there," I shrugged. "It's genetic."

"You're both sick."

"Can't be helped," 38 said. "Like he said, it's the genes." He took his microphones and left the room, heading for the studio.

"You guys need help," Morning Girl said.

"Actually," I told her, "I don't want X-ray vision as a power of God."

"What do you want?"

"I want to decide who lives and who dies."

She threw her hands up in the air. "Men!"

"Yup," I said, nodding. "Can't live with us, can't shoot us."

"Don't tempt me."