October 7th, 2006


The Muse Makes Me Yell

"Jason Lee was a professional skateboarder before he was an actor," the Muse said, reading out of a magazine article.

"Wow, really?" I said.

She nodded. "And he's a member of the Church of Scientology."


She turned the page, never looking at me. "How quickly your opinions can change."

I shrugged. "It's the R6 implant Xenu placed in my mind 75,000,000 years ago. The engrams are whacking me out."

"If there's a Scientology hell, you're going straight there when you die."

"Gosh, maybe there's still time for me to get rich enough to pay for all the audits it'll take to get myself cleansed."

"Unbeliever," she said.

"On my planet, we like to call ourselves 'sane.' "
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Don't fuck with the Jesus

The Muse Tries to Talk Sense

"While we're picking on religions," I said, "what's the deal with the Pope 'redefining' limbo? Doesn't it sort of rob your god of his authority when you go ahead and change the rules on your followers? Isn't it sort of like saying that from now on, hitting a home run is an automatic out, or that buying an Annie Lennox album if you're a man makes you straight?"

"Look," the Muse said. "If you're going to make fun of other people's religious beliefs, could you maybe do it with a group that won't read you and maybe decide to come beat you up for it? How about the Amish? I'm pretty sure they don't do anything on the internet."

"Because Scientology is just silly, and the Christians make it a point to tell everyone else what to do with their lives, while as far as I can tell the Amish just live and let live."

"I'm going to make fun of you Buddhists if you keep it up."

"Go ahead," I said. "At least we have a sense of humor about it."

"You're going to Scientology and Christian hell," she said. "You snarky fuck."
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