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A Pointless Fluffy Pillow Story

  • Jan. 5th, 2005 at 1:51 AM
Bill Hicks
"I want the pink one," the Muse said. She pulled the pillow out of the mesh metal bin and fluffed it between her hands.

I averted my eyes. "God, Muse, it's beyond pink. It's so pink that I can't look at it straight on. It's too blinding."

She had been longing for one of those modern superball faux-Asian bean-filled cylindrical pillows, in love with them ever since I bought one for my chaise at home. For a period of about two weeks during the early summer, I would come home from work every night to find her curled up in the chair, asleep, my pillow clutched between her hands like a nylon pink burrito. This wouldn't have been quite so odd, except for the fact that the Muse had her own apartment during that period, and was exclusively haunting my house for the sole reason of falling asleep in my chair hugging my pillow. I didn't mind; she doesn't snore, so closing the office door and letting her do her thing was certainly the only human thing to do. Besides, it meant another morning spent watching her put on her makeup, which I've already talked about somewhere down in the archives...

"Bringing this pillow home is going to make my year," she said. She squeezed the pillow like an accordian, and it of course never lost its shape when she stopped. Freakish pink alien bean pillows never do. Mine, at least, was blue, which was a little less Timothy Leary.

"Muse, it's only the fourth day of the year."

She sighed. "Do you have to crap on everything I like?"

"No," I said. "Only the stupid things."

"You'd better not be referring to the Hello Kitty toaster."

"I'm saying nothing. It's much safer that way."

"But it makes Hello Kitty faces on the bread! It's like I get to eat that stupid cat for breakfast every morning."

I made a zipping motion across my lips, and then mixed my visual metaphors and mimed tossing away an invisible key.

"You're an angry man," she said. "You know that, right?"

I nodded.

"You need more pillows in your life. Preferably with Hello Kitty branded into them."

"You know, Muse, for a basically brilliant woman with excellent taste, you sometimes scare the bejeezus out of me."

"I am legion, baby," she said. "Now outta my way. Momma needs a new pink pillow." She pushed past me and started towards the checkout counter.

"Momma needs a straight jacket," I muttered under my breath.

"This from the man with a plastic pickle with wheels from 1970 in his office."

"It's a toy from my childhood! I used to ride it! I cry sentimental value on that one."

"Shut up and give me some money. This pillow ain't gonna buy itself."

Comments

giggleloop wrote:
Jan. 5th, 2005 06:59 am (UTC)
you know, there aren't many things that can make toast any cooler than it already is *i mean, it's toast, for crissakes!*...

...but i'd have to say, have Hello Kitty's face burned into it, enabling me to devour the annoyingly ever-present thing, is pretty much. oh how i would enjoy smearing some blackberry jam *seedless, of course* on that feline's mug and chowing down. :)

hmm, hungry now. :) best grab some TOAST! and be on my way to work now. :P

-B
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 5th, 2005 08:28 am (UTC)
You have to worry just a little bit when the Hello Kitty brand extends to things like appliances, although nothing is as weird as the Hello Kitty vibrator. And no, I'm not making that up.
giggleloop wrote:
Jan. 5th, 2005 10:10 pm (UTC)
damn, stupid internet went out at work and ate my reply. bastard. :)

and now i can't remember what i'd said. let's just assume it was very witty and hilariously funny. :)

all right, against my wishes and better judgement, i'm off to go watch "I Robot" with the hubby. ugh. i guess that's what i get for making him sit thru three episodes of "The Office". *sigh*

talk to ya later. :)

-B
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 5th, 2005 10:12 pm (UTC)
Oh, you poor, poor girl... let me know if it's complete and utter shit, would you?

And you know: everything you say here is witty and hilariously funny. I'm getting used to it ;)
giggleloop wrote:
Jan. 5th, 2005 10:25 pm (UTC)
ach! don't get used to it, because that exact moment will be the point at which all humor and wit are sucked out of me, and all my friends will be saying to each other in low whispers, "and exactly why are we friends with her again?" "i thought you said she was funny!" "no, I thought you said she was funny!" "quick, let's sneak out while her back is turned..."

:)

actually, i went into it expecting it to, in fact, be complete and utter shit. and i was pleasantly surprised. i mean, it didn't rock my world or nothin', but it didn't suck. :) it was pretty good. Definitely Will Smith's best offering as of late. :)

man, i remember back when I was in grade school, i had the hugest crush on him. :) he was dreamy. still is. i know all the Ladies Love Cool James and all, but I'll take Will anyway. mmm mm mmm. :)

damn, that inner monologue is on the fritz, again! son of a...

:)

-B
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 5th, 2005 10:28 pm (UTC)
Hey, look at that! You're being funny and entertaining again ;)

How do you do it?

Nice to see you, by the way.
giggleloop wrote:
Jan. 5th, 2005 10:33 pm (UTC)
nice to see you too. :) i saw that you're online, of course. i'm stealthy like that.

yeah, the funny comes and goes. you got me at a good time, i suppose. :)

hey that rhymed. heh!

not quite sure how i do it. if i knew, i'd surely fuck it up somehow, so i find it best not to analyze it. it just comes natural to me i guess. :D

about to drop some new tunage (or would it be tune-age? i'm never sure about these things) on the site, btw. I'm loathe to take the You Were Spiralling down, because I want people to hear them, so I might take out No Doubt. That was a last minute one anyways, I kinda "phoned it in" so to speak. :)

so, shortly, new tunes shall be yours for the taking! woot!

-B
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 5th, 2005 10:35 pm (UTC)
Man, you're awfully good to this poor new guy here who is a friend of a friend...

I hope you keep me ;)
giggleloop wrote:
Jan. 5th, 2005 10:53 pm (UTC)
hey, as I said, any friend of Ali's is a friend of mine, until proven guilty anyway. :)

and it's not just for you, it's for all! you just happen to be the first and only person who's taken an interest thus far. that i know of. oh well. best to keep my illegal file sharing under the radar anyway, right?

-B
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jan. 5th, 2005 10:55 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 5th, 2005 10:57 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jan. 5th, 2005 11:00 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 5th, 2005 11:08 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jan. 5th, 2005 11:11 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 5th, 2005 11:12 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jan. 5th, 2005 11:15 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 6th, 2005 08:06 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jan. 6th, 2005 09:22 am (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 6th, 2005 09:59 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jan. 6th, 2005 10:06 am (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 6th, 2005 10:12 am (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jan. 6th, 2005 10:20 am (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 6th, 2005 01:33 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jan. 6th, 2005 03:41 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 6th, 2005 03:55 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jan. 6th, 2005 05:57 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 6th, 2005 06:22 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jan. 6th, 2005 06:26 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 6th, 2005 06:35 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jan. 6th, 2005 09:36 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 7th, 2005 02:46 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 6th, 2005 06:23 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - king_cool_paul - Jan. 6th, 2005 06:26 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - giggleloop - Jan. 6th, 2005 06:35 pm (UTC)
pethead07 wrote:
Jan. 5th, 2005 12:42 pm (UTC)
Goddamn it, man-- you continue to slay me. I never laugh aloud at work-- this one made me do it. :)
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 5th, 2005 10:02 pm (UTC)
Truthfully, it was the vibrator thing, wasn't it? ;)
pethead07 wrote:
Jan. 6th, 2005 08:31 am (UTC)
No, it was the whole thing, but the vision of a plastic pickle on wheels actually made me laugh out loud.........
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 6th, 2005 09:43 am (UTC)
I'll have to get a photo of it, because I swear upon the glasses of Elvis Costello that it truly exists.

Long live the pickle!
pethead07 wrote:
Jan. 6th, 2005 09:53 am (UTC)
Oh, man-- swearing on EC's glasses-- I'll take yer word for it, then! No picture necessary! :)
king_cool_paul wrote:
Jan. 6th, 2005 10:01 am (UTC)
I'm the man!

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