"What?" the Muse said. She drew circles with her finger in the condensation of her glass.
"When you reach a point where you have to point out your friend's newly-developed unpleasant character traits."
I nodded. "Indeed. Want the nutshell version?"
"Okay, briefly, Apple is being ridiculously touchy about everything going on around her, life, work, everything. I tried to bring it up to her today to let her know she was doing it, because everyone is talking about it behind her back, and I don't like to see my friends being the subject of gossip. However, when I told her this evening that she had been being extremely touchy the past couple of weeks, she immediately bit my head off and stormed off into a crowded room, where I couldn't exactly bring the issue back up, you know?"
The Muse nodded. "Yes. Been there."
"So I did what any good friend would do in the modern age. I wrote her an email."
"What?" I asked.
"Could be a good idea," she said. "Could be a bad one. On the one hand, she's going to read it, and she can't interrupt you or storm off in the middle of it. Also, you're a little more literate when you're writing than when you're talking, which is always good. It's best to be concise when you're basically telling someone that they've been an idiot about something."
"And the bad side?"
"Well, you might piss her off more, obviously. If she can't let off a bit of steam at you when she reads it, it could just piss the living crap out of her, and then you'll have to deal with her being really nasty to you for a while, until she gets over it."
I nodded. "I know, I know. I even wrote in the email that I was considering not sending it to her, just for that very reason. I'm hoping to cut the anger off at the pass, so to speak."
"Again, could be good, could be bad. She might take it as you expecting her to be mean to you once she reads it."
"Which I am," I said.
"Yeah, but you don't want to seem like that's what you're expecting. You're totally playing with fire here, you know. Of course you already sent the email, right?"
"Oh yes, totally. I'm committed now."
"I'll pray for you," the Muse said. "Jesus, Buddha and Sponge Bob."
"Thanks. I'll take any help I can get in my time of darkness."